LET's get to camping

Tents are kinda like studio apartments made of nylon. But you have to share a bathroom with your neighbors. That bathroom being the rest of earth.

Wizard of Oz Deuce Deuce aka Why I have a headache

So recently I watched the Return to Oz. An obscure sequel to The Wizard of Oz. All I can say is…..What the hell? How was someone allowed to make this? It was just a combination of weird puppets, vague references towards the book and trippy 80’s sequences of coloration. Being someone that had a childhood where the real Wizard of Oz movie, somehow was on every Thanksgiving like clock work, I have a somewhat fond attachment to the original, despite the fact that I haven’t seen the original film in close to 10 years. Either way. You can’t have a classic American movie and make a sequel. That’s not allowed. That is a “do not pass go” type situation. IF some one brings it up at the meeting, send them out of the meeting without getting a bagel.

But no one stopped these assholes. So we are left with a movie that encompasses everything that sucked about 80’s fantasy cinema. Bad special effects, a shit load of puppets and the girl from The Craft in her freak childhood form. You thought that bitch was freaky in her later years? As a child she looked like Macaulay Culkin with 3 feet of pigtails sprouting from the top of her head and a death stare that can only be equated to the kids from the Village of The Damned. Scary shit. What happened to that chick? She was in the c raft and then The Waterboy, and then nothing. What happened?

The entire the time that movie slaps anyone who’s seen the original right in the face. As if to say, “remember all those childhood memories you have of this movie? Too bad, I’m gonna throw your memories in a bag and piss all over it. After that I’ll light the fucking bag on fire. That’s what I think of your memories you little bitch! You’re a grown ass man, what are you doing watching The Wizard Oz 2 anyways?” At least that’s how I see that conversation going.

I think the major problem I had with the piece of shit movie is the fact that I tried to reason with it. Attempting to take a rational mind into the viewing of an 80’s fantasy flick. That was like jumping on a grenade. I had good intentions, in reality I was totally fucked. If you do that sort of thing you end up giving yourself a headache trying to figure out, “how it would be possible that a couch with a moose head tied to it could fly simply by pouring a can of Ajax onto it? What the hell? Then you just stat screaming, “That rock is talking!! Fuck me, why the fuck am I watching this? Is it because these women are watching it with me? It must be…it has to be.” Next thing you know your inner monologue has been going on for about a half an hour and you’re not quite sure how you ended up in at the liquor store. However when you do get there you think “hey maybe I could go for some Old English, I bet it will stop the dogs from barking in my head”. And now you know, the rest of the story.