Fuck the world don't, don't ask me for shit

Fuck the world, don’t ask me for shit

Method Man and Notorious BIG said that shit almost what, 15 years ago? God damn, it bums me out that I haven’t heard a hip hop album as good as Ready to Die. I haven’t heard shit that quotable in my entire life. I realized things were going down in rap music around the 6th grade when I was still riding the bus to school. It was the only place I could listen to hip hop and rap without fear of my parents finding it. My parents didn’t really approve of the genre so I was forced to keep my records in hiding. But on the bus, I could put that thing in the Walkman and forget about the fact that I didn’t have many friends, went to school that I hated, had braces and acne; basically was the epitome of uncool. Even though I was a white kid from the burbs, on the bus I got to live the life of a thug through my headphones.
I’ll never forget the day when rap music was almost ruined for me. I got off the bus and some kid tried to impress/ intimidate me by quoting DMX with “I got blood on my hands and there's no remorse. And got blood on my dick 'cause I fucked a corpse”. The fucker just starred back at me smiling, exposing the turkey sandwich caught in his braces. He was waiting for my reaction to his slur of violence and profanity. What could I say? There was nothing to say. He stood there laughing like a prick. To this day, I still hear the mid puberty, high pitched, voice cracking laugh in my head when I think about it. I guess he was waiting for me to say something along the line of ….awesome or eww gross dude. To him it was I guess rap was a novelty. Aside from a few albums here and there, in my opinion hip hop since that day has been a novelty. Soulja boy, Birdman, the very notion that Lil’ Wayne is a “prolific rapper” I feel like everyone has just forgotton what it used to sound like. I’ve come to grips with it, but I really wish I didn’t have to.
Rap for me has served its purpose. It gave me my moments of escapism, when I needed it most. That’s what music is for me and always has been, an escape. I can put something on and forget. Forget about my shitty job, family problems, and angry girlfriends; I forget all of it for that 3 minutes and 57 seconds. I get to sit back for that time and say “fuck the world, don't ask me for shit".

News sites are fucked

God damn it's been to long,

No better time to write a blog entry than in the aftermath of a mass shooting. I just found out about this shooting. Is it sad that I was late to find out because I don't have a CNN twitter? I don't know how those fucking things work anyways. To get to the just of it, I read in the news about this shooting, got to these video interviews, cause on my lunch I'm too lazy to read, and before each video, I am bombarded with fucking commercials. I don't know how Porsche feels about their slogan "Glass half full" appearing next to a streaming video of a woman describing the events where a man shot and killed 13 people. I see that glass half full slogan and think...is there an upside to this situation? How fucked is that? Those shouldn't be my thoughts. Then I become worried of what people will think when they find out what I thought. That’s when I start breathing heavy and get a little dizzy. This is what happens when I'm left idle and don't get enough caffeine. What worries me most is the fact that I have never been a glass half full kind of guy, so why is it that it takes a mass killing for me to start to see the brighter side of things.

Jam out,

Kelly

Kelly and Mateo's Super Fun Party Mixtape Volume One

Alright folks, the LA move happened, a job happened and now things seem to be coming together. A super fun website is in talks and more moves ahead. In the mean time me and my lifemate Mateo have decided to start a monthly event which will be known as The Super Fun Party Mixtape. Basically a mix of songs that we have been rolling with over the past month. The mix tape is available for free download, via the blog. Just click the picture above. It's new stuff , old stuff, taking on all kinds. Plus you get to have our little quips about each song. All around its some pretty good stuff. We want to expand it into a podcast within the next few months so then we can have some panel discussion with our hoodrat friends for your listening pleasure. Here it is. Enjoy. If you know songs that we should be listening to send on in and there could be your song on the mix.
Later gators

1. Notorious BIG
Party And Bullshit (Ratatat Remix)
Ratatat Remixes Vol. 2

KM: Biggie’s got two appearances on the list this time around and there is a reason for it. He was the king of super fun party songs, Ratatat remixed it just to make sure everyone was on the same page.

MV: Ratatat remixed this Biggie classic because they are the hardest white boys to come out of Crown Heights. Alright fine, they’re skinny, long haired indie kids who couldn’t take Clay Aiken in a fight, but still…the track is fire.

2. DJ Benzi ft. Wale + Brother Ali
2nd Time Around
The New Deal Mixtape

KM: This is the type of song you can listen to on the way home from the party. Drunk, yelling the lines you know, faking the rest. A great "feeling cool" song.

MV: Brother Ali says fuck you to today’s hip hop bigshots. Wale rhymes osmosis with halitosis. You do the math.

3. The Decemberists
Valerie Plame
Always The Bridesmaid EP

MV: Honestly I hated this dude’s voice when I first heard the Decemberists a couple years ago. But I went to school where everyone constantly sucked this band’s dick and of course now I love them. Not to mention this track is about a covert CIA agent who was the asshole heading up the Joint Task Force on Iraq. You know, the one that was supposed to uncover all those WMD’s in Iraq. Oops.

KM: I too hated this band until a little coked up indie chick that looked like Natalie Portman made me sit down and actually listen to them. This is continued good stuff from a good band.

4. White Rabbits
The Plot
Fort Nightly

MV: Wait til the bass kicks in. Then agree with me. I’m right…right?

KM: This usually isn’t my bag but the harmonies are catchy and that kick drum just won’t quit.

5. Girl Talk
Smash Your Head
Night Ripper

KM: Notorious B.I.G. over Elton John’s “Tiny Dancer” is a combo that I never thought I would hear. It’s the best thing that Elton John has been involved with since he stopped doing blow. If you are reading this John…..Saturday Nights are STILL alright for fighting in my book.

MV: Aside from a Fallout Boy sample, this song is pretty much a flawless victory (Mortal Kombat what?) in the mashup world. Notorious BIG? Check. James Brown? Check. Elton John? The Pharcyde? Nirvana? Public Enemy? Fuckin’ check.

6. Galactic
All Behind You Now
Ruckus

KM: Not Techno. Not Rap. Not Blues. All Behind You Now off of the Ruckus album doesn’t land in any specific category. But who can argue with it’s Fast paced beats and soul filled vocals. It’s super fun for your ears.

MV: The hard-ass keys line in this song makes it a funky must have for any super fun dance party. Plus, not many hipster kids listen to Galactic, so maybe you’ll score some scene points for playing some shit they don’t know.

7. T.I.
Whatever You Like
Paper Trail

KM: The soundtrack for doing hood rat stuff with friends.

MV: I don’t know anyone that doesn’t like this song. Plus, if you get caught doin’ hood rat things with your friends, the maximum punishment is no video games for a weekend, so go on and hood it up.

8. Cool Kids
A Lil Bit Cooler
The Bake Sale EP

KM: I drank fine champagnes with Chuck Inglish in Denver after a show once, really an awesome dude. Plus ever since the release of The Five Boroughs the public has needed a new version of the Beastie Boys.

MV: The self proclaimed black Beastie Boys are…well…just that. And this song makes me feel cooler than you, so suck ten.

9. Curtis Mayfield
Pusherman
Superfly Soundtrack

KM: This tune reminds people its time for the next drink, bump, hit, or pick-me-up. While it’s playing, don’t be surprised if a lot of people excuse themselves to “powder their noses” or call their “guy”.

MV: Dude taught himself to play guitar, sang mostly about cocaine and mostly in falsetto. Now that’s a hard motherfucker.

10. Jay-Z ft. Lil’ Wayne (Remixed by F for Union Beats)
Hello Brooklyn 2.0
Blue Magic Remixes

KM: I love the original track but this remixed beat adds a whole new element. You can really hear Lil’ Weezy giving it his all. Poor little guy; sounds like he is struggling to poop. He raps real good though this time. Why come you talk like that Lil’ Wayne?

MV: Jay Z is the only man who I’d be comfortable with dating my mom.

11. Raphael Saadiq
100 Yard Dash
The Way I See It

KM: Stax is putting out Nikka Costa records. Mowtown is bullshit. Otis is dead. What’s left? Saadiq. This song is a call back to the hey day of R&B. Bangarang.

MV: It’s as if Raphael Saadiq remembered that the 70s were the best, then went into the studio and made a record about how the 70s were the best. Tight.

12. The Knux
Bang! Bang!
Remind Me In 3 Days

KM: When rap is done with real instruments, its real-rad-rap. lolz

MV: New Orleans’ answer to Chicago’s Cool Kids. Krispy and Rah just put out their debut record which is fun as hell, but this is by far the best track from the disc. They also play all the instruments on their tracks, which leads to an argument as to who actually is the black version of the Beasties. You decide.

Check out Mateo's blog at http://vosganian.wordpress.com

YEEHAW

So Obama picked his Secretary of the Interior today, Senator from Colorado Ken Salazar. That’s cool with me, but why the fuck did Salazar decide to dress like a Texas oil Tycoon at the press conference? Ten gallon hat and one of those stupid cowboy ties? Didn’t we learn from the past 8 years that politicians that wear western wear are not all that well respected on Capitol Hill? Come on man, you just got chosen to be in the hippest political entourage in American history. Don’t blow it by showing up to the press conference like you just cam from the rodeo. When you got the call from Obama you should have headed to Macy’s and at least bought a new suit and tie. I guess it could have been worse. He could have gone the route of trying to look like he was in touch with today’s youth and wore a white visor and a popped collar polo shirt. Is that even what the kids are wearing these days? I can never tell. Salazar; next time, suit and power tie with a Windsor knot. Dress like Alec Baldwin at the beginning of Glengarry Glenn Ross.

Try to look like you have a handle on this colossal fuck of a country you are about take control over. Is that too much to ask. Don't be an asshole.......the thumbs up? Come on man

CRAIGSLIST CONSPIRACY

So like many, one of my favorite past times is searching the free section of the ol'Craigslist. Hot damn there is some mighty fine stuff that can be found on there, be it a used baby crib, dishware, or an entertainment unit that a dog has been chewing on for the past 12 years. Tonight I figured was just another one of those nights of surfing for useless crap. That was until Skut found himself a set of tools. I agreed to go along for the drive out to pick 'em up and everything seemed pretty kosher. That was until when we arrived at thte address. It was a house located at the tailend of a culdosac. It was pitch black, no tools in sight. We turned the car around to be facing the headlights of an on coming Blazer.

At that point there was a slight hint in the back of my noggin brain that perhap this was all some psycho's plot to lure us in so he could go saw 1-5 on us. No way I was going down like that. I started prepping for my current fight or flight situation, but I looked down at my feet and realized I couldn't do either. I was wearing fucking flipflops. No one can run in flip flops. I don't care who you are. You either end up falling on your face or....well usually you fall on your face if you try to go too fast. Next issue. No one can fight in flip flops. first kick you throw.....flip flop flies off. You're donezo. What that? Take them off you say...no go, gravel road. Gravel roads get stabby on the toesies. At this point I'm mentally defeated. I sit back and prepare to accept the impending death that lay before me. That is until the Blazer keeps going and simply drives past us.

Granted I was glad that I didn't end up on the dinner table of some leather face buffalo bill type, but at the same time, I wonder; is the Craigslist Killer an unknown urban legend? Are there yahoos out there luring young one's in with proverbial candy; tempting the young college girls with an affordable futon only to get them into their lair for BTK fun? This needs to be looked into Burbank P.D. Quit issuing the parking/Jaywalking tickets and get on this Craig killah. He or she mustive taken out at least a handful of people right?

I mean there are hookers: http://www.nytimes.com/2007/09/05/nyregion/05craigslist.html

Dumb Thieves: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/23925847/wid/18298287

This has the makings of a straight to Lifetime movie...who's in?

Day At The Movies (A super hero dog, the holocaust and a lot of heavy breathing.)

Soooo this weekend, the tweens proved who pushes the market these days when Twilight made over 70 million dollars in its first weekend. What with all the hype behind the picture I decided to tack it on to the tail end of a Saturday theater hopping, movie marathon. It started with the family romp, Bolt in 3D, which was needles to say a fun filled 90 minutes. All had in a theater that featured the faint sent of wet diapers and popcorn. Yummy! Yummy is not a word I use much, but I’m using it now. I’ll have to live with that.

The next picture of the day was the holocaust drama, The Boy in The Striped Pajamas. There’s nothing like watching Jews getting slaughtered to kill the happy go lucky buzz that I had acquired from the previous picture. I was having too much fun, I had to take myself down a peg. It’s a standard self-sabotage method that I won’t get into right now. Boy in Pajamas was a good movie though, the only issue was during the opening credits. A friend of mine pointed out that I was the only gentile amongst our movie marathon crew. This being said, he decided to enlighten my catholic self on what the Holocaust was. His description went a little something like this.

So back in the 70’s the Germans were acting all fucked up to the Jews in Europe, so the Jew were like “fuck this noise” and bounced. Then in the 80’s when the Jews went back, they were like, “what the hell dudes?” The Germans were like, “oh my B.” And it was the 80’s so the Jews were to coked up on disco to really care.

I’m laughing at his fucked up interpretation of history, meanwhile the theater screen is flooded with the visual representation of the Nazi regime; swastikas, tanks, military marching, not exactly comic fodder. The lady in front of me kept turning around, trying to figure out what the hell my problem was.
The piece de resistance of this wonderful fun filled afternoon was the emo/tween vampire flick Twilight. After the first 20 minutes where I was laughing out loud at scenes that were supposed to be dramatic. I think this is the first time that I have felt really old. Never have I sat through a movie that was so entirely over my head. For 122 minutes I was in utter confusion. Leave it to a Mormon to make a vampire story devoid of penetration; of both the carnal neck bite and ol’ fashioned fucking variety. Which are really the only two things that make vampire movies interesting. In place of these norms was a good 30 minutes of the heavy breathing and stoic staring. If staring at a girl while breathing heavily actually worked as a pick up method, I wouldn’t be spending my nights writing this blog.

Not only was the movie bad, but the actors involved…what is their deal? Check this interview to see what I mean.

Interview with shit heads

Low and behold their off screen personas are about as stiff as a 13 year old’sgirls nipples during a screening of this ball of shit. Since when are a person’s poor public speaking skills considered mysterious and dreamy?

$70 million….Really? $70 million? Damnit ‘Merica! What the hell? How did we as a people let this happen? There have been good teen/tween movies before. The Harry Potter series has been enjoyable, Pixar regularly pumps out the goods. John Hughes dominated the 80’s with great teen flicks that were very watchable for those outside of the “driving permit” age bracket. Now what do we have? High School Musical, The Jonas Brothers, Twilight and Miley Cyrus. Teen tweens eat this shit up. Our only hope is that a world-wide disaster will take out all the products and the consumers. That’s right; I’m talking about wiping out an entire generation, and it’s entertainers. Insensitive and drastic? Maybe. Completely necessary? Absolutely. Who’s with me?

The Sickness

I came down with a cold last night. That means a few things. First, my work day today was dogshit. I sat in a cold office with uncirculated air, crammed in a cubicle, next to the poor sap that got jammed next to the sick kid and I sniffled all day long. I sounded like a god damn kinder gardener. *type type type, snniiiiifffffff...cough. All day with this shit. But where there is a down, there is an up. First cold of the year means I get to reintroduce my body to God's greatest drug. Nyquil. I get to take something nd in literally 30 minutes pass out. If I'm feeling gee gee I can struggle to stay awake and start acting like a jerk. Good night for now, I'm running up on minute 24 and I still need to brush my teeth. More on this tomorrow.